We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
