Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize