The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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