Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
