R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
