I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
