im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
