sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
