So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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