So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
