Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
