I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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