I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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