:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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