She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
