Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
