I've blown a few things in my day
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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