He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found puke in my bra..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
