I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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