It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
