Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
MIDGETS
????
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
