she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
