I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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