last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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