11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
