I think I won the penis lottery.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
