I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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