Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
