Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
