Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have post one night stand depression
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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