Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
