What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
