Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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