he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
