People in love make me want to vomit
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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