i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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