I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
