Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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