I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
