I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
