cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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