Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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