you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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