I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
