Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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