Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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