you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
