So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
