So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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