i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
