Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
