Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
