Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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