I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
