so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
