nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
