By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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