When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
