Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
