Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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