I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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