then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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