you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
