I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
