You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
